loanshark

is exactly the profession i need to get into now
so that i can put on the most bodacious act of getting back the things people owe me, which was originally rightfully mine anyway, and still feeling good about it after that for a job done well.

each time and every time i go around my house with every intention of finding something that i need at that point in time
i get this sudden rush of fear gushing up in great volume, invisibly of course
and my worst nightmare will surface – something, be it small or big, will be lost into the sea of mysterious and unknown twilight zone
and i hate to wake up to an even worser reality – that, the big demon and saturn living in the scariest and horrendous of all twilight zones, is my very own brother

if since young
someone, say one of your elder siblings always come running to you and tell you to lend your even-though-of-puny-monetary-value-but-definitely-worthy-of-your-attention-thus-precious possession, take your lovely eraser for instance, and swear under the name of “borrowing”, but only to end up, like every other time, misplacing them finally, lost and gone for good
which happens not once, not twice, nor thrice, but so many thousands of times
till i practically lost count of how many eventually

each attempt to look for the things in the house
only adds to the misery and sorrow of losing hope ever more

each cruel attempt to seek out the things in the house
only brings me closer to losing them, if i haven’t already lost them

would i, as a normal child in the right sound of mind, still want to be generous and give no qualms about lending things to people, or him for that matter of fact?
would i, even as i have grown up, not think at least twice if not have that consideration flip a couple of times more in my mind first before agreeing to lend things to people, or him then?

and don’t you come and tell me i have not been cool about it because it will piss me off BIG time
especially not if you are one of those who is or has been guilty of losing my stuff(s)!

even if the thing you lost has zero dollar value
even if the pawn shop thinks it’s trash
even if the hoarder a few units down the neighbourhood finds it a pain to want to keep it in his store

because you do not know what value it holds for me
what pain or sweat (even if none) i went through to get the item as mine
and what it will take and ever be able to get the same thing back again

because it will never be the same
because what is lost is gone

so yes, being a loanshark might be good, though i wouldn’t say it’s exactly the most popular choice
but at least i could charge the most outrageous interest rates that anyone has ever seen
and make whoever pay back in double, triple, x10, x100, x1000000 times of what he or others ever lost
and smudge dog’s blood along the corridors, in BIG BOLD LETTERINGS saying “OWE PEOPLE’S THINGS, RETURN IT!”
or hunt him down the streets and give a good beating if i do lay my hands on him
and for what i know, yes, i could be working shorter hours in a day and still be damn rich. woot!

so

i’ve given thoughts about it
i’ve weighed the pros and cons
and thought about the worst and best, of course

can someone send me application forms, if any, to fill up to be a loanshark, please.


*it hadn't been easy trying to bottle this up as i could only post this entry today because blardy blogspot was DOWN! DOWN! DOWN! last night! but it’s ok, i survived. virgoeans are tough! yay! ^^v
life is still sweet.